Posted by Asmi on August 27th, 2009
How’s everything going there? How was the summer and how does it feel to go back to school?
I’m pretty bored lately, not as busy as I was before so I’m going to be writing a lot.
Life’s the same for me; the bumpy road that it used to be. I’ve figured out a lot of things about myself and about everyone else around me. I have become emotional lately, very, very emotional. Maybe it’s because half of my family is not over here to spend the holy month of Ramadan with me. But it’s also very interesting. Even in boredom I discover a lot about me.
Describing what and how I think about life in the simplest words is difficult for me now. Not because I don’t have enough words, but because I have way too many of them. You can use a whole dictionary to describe everything that happens in life and it’ll still not be enough. Everyone has a different way of thinking, everyone is different and thus, life is different from everyone’s point of view. I’ll try and give you an idea of what I think about it now.
It’s a journey to me. You start off great, in a pleasant weather; have just a few of your favorite things that are very dear to you. Looking up at the sky and the beautiful, mesmerizing things all around you that just puts a cute smile on your face. The amazing people, flowers, butterflies, sun shining bright and the smell of the wind; gosh all of it just leaves you in awe. You’re so lost in the lovely light of the day that you don’t realize how it’s soon going to get dark soon and things might just not be as pretty as they seem right now. You’re just so hypnotized and lost in your thoughts, in those peaceful faces, in your dreams of always being as happy as you are that very minute that you don’t sense or realize that there’s a big storm on its way to shatter all your imaginary castles and to break each and every bone of your body that speaks for your strength and liveliness.
Finally the angry storm arrives and it’s so deadly, probably the most pain you’ve felt in your life. And you’re looking around at the people that have just disappeared or hid somewhere behind trees or somewhere, anywhere which was safe. Leaving you out by yourself, all alone, and facing the crazy storm all by yourself. It’s highly damaging your body, your heart (‘cause there’s no one there for you) and even some portions of your soul (for some odd reason). Breaking all your dreams and everything which were a possibility for your wishes to come true. And you’re trapped, there’s nothing you can do to make it go away, or to hold you precious belongs close to your heart or to do anything at all. Things that were the world to you are gone. The people that you thought would’ve helped you are hiding somewhere to save themselves and you know you can’t blame them.
Gradually storm goes away, leaving you helpless, shattered and left with no hope for better days. You are left with nothing but what’s on your body (clothes) and a few things that are in the pockets of your jacket or pants maybe… still there’s nothing else to do than to go forward, there’s no other option, you can’t go back, you have to keep walking. So with whatever’s left of you, you begin to walk slowly with one step at a time, then you give up and somewhere in those wild forests you fall asleep under a tree, so tired and so empty, you sleep for hours.
The dawn breaks slowly and you feel a palm feeling your forehead. A touch so cold and gentle that even in the pain you’re in, you have a smile on your face. Somehow, little by little, that special touch heals all your broken parts and makes every little pain of your body go away. You begin to open your eyes and see the most dazzling figure in front of you. They hold your hand and give you support and encourage you to stand on your feet. Help you up and make you feel like they’ll be there if you fall back, or if you need a shoulder for support to put your arm around and walk slowly. You know that you can blindly trust that one person for they will be there for you if you need them. With a broken smile on your pretty, dried and chapped lips you begin to walk with a bit of valor, you feel that if there’s another storm ahead, you can face it if you have someone so supportive and strong beside you. Slowly you start walking hand in hand and your smile is back, that beautiful smile that described your identity, which showed how much you love, to love. And you’ve never felt that way before; this is the time when you’re as happiest you could be. You feel complete somehow and also there’s that little fear deep down inside, which tells you that you’ve given you’re everything to the person that healed you soul, that showed you how to smile and be happy again, without even giving you any special lessons. You know that person could destroy you, in a way which is worse than death. And it may be close to impossible for you to get over that heartache after the disaster you’ve been through but you begin to walk faster. You know, you’re willing to take that chance at least one time, so you slowly begin to run hand in hand with them towards the path that leads to a fruitful land. Where no pain, no sorrow, no misery will be seen.
With hope you begin to run faster; in the joy of not being alone anymore. You run faster, with your hands in the air feeling the beautiful wind and the scent of love. You feel that everything that you lost in that storm aren’t even close to what you have right now, in your hand. You run faster and faster to be lost in your own fantasy of a “happily ever after” but as you look back to see the person that might’ve showed you a new way to look at life, you see that they’re a little behind you, but still running along with you. You’re still running alone and that magical person a bit more behind now… you’re running and you know you can’t stop now but hope that the person will catch up with you in this journey that has taught you life changing lessons…
I guess I’m at that point where I am hoping to not have to face the storm again. And hope is the only solution to many of my problems. But the journey isn’t over yet… there are still more storms and dark days to come along with sunny and joyful ones. So I guess that’s what makes life so interesting.
Hope you don’t find this blog too weird.