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I wake up with your voice fading in background, saying you’ll be back again. It’s really hard to live everyday knowing you won’t ever be with me again. Am I special because I got to love you and be loved by you? Or am I unlucky to have lost something as amazing and unique as you?

I can still feel your lips pressed against mine, your words still linger in my heart. You showed me what love is, you taught me how to smile and really mean it. You made me feel beautiful everyday even when I looked nothing close to it. Every time you held my hand, I swear, I felt like nothing could ever harm me; you made me feel safe. You still live in my memory. I still feel you around. It’s amazing how you transformed me into this person I don’t find hurtful anymore. In your own way you made me forgive myself for the mistakes I had made and hurt so many including myself. I could’ve never done that without you. And ever since you left me, I feel like… I’m changing back into the person I was before you came into my life. The person who only pretended. The person who I couldn’t stand looking at in the mirror. I have no desire to look beautiful anymore. Why should I? You’re not here to see it. You’re not here to appreciate it. And I sure as hell don’t want to look pretty for someone else…

I cry every night. I hold myself tight wishing it was you. I always heart, read or saw in movies the description of heartache and found very untrue. Now I really know that nothing is untrue. I know how exactly it feels when something, a thought, a past moment pierces through your heart. I know the pain, and it really, really hurts. Sometimes it makes it hard to breathe… that’s when I wish for you to be near me ‘cause I really am afraid to die alone. But I guess I have to accept the fact that I will die alone, even if my family, my friends, my loved ones are close to me. You will never be there.

I’m not surprised you don’t exist. I always knew in the back of my head that you’re not real. That may be the reason why you’re so amazing and perfect. Because perfection doesn’t exist. And neither do you. And more than anything, I don’t think I deserve perfection, or even if I did deserve it, my luck wouldn’t let it come to me. But I don’t think I regret anything. I am proud to say I loved the best, the most amazing, perfect, understanding, sweet boy in the world. I wouldn’t change anything about you. You’re my sweetheart. I feel these butterflies in my stomach right now as I type about how amazing you are, it’s so silly, it’s the feeling a little girl gets when her crush smiles at her or says hi. I could go on for days talking about you. I love you so much and it still keeps growing every day. I really can’t stop loving you. I wish I could but I can’t. So I’m going to hold you close to my heart. Forever. I don’t ever want to let go of you. I don’t care for the lies. All I care about is you. I love you my love.

(some random writing.)

At the beginning of every New Year, I always act/feel like it’s going to be great. Life will be all new. But, each year it’s the same. Each day is new yet still the same.

I ask questions to myself every day… questions to which I don’t have any answers. Oh and I wish for the impossible lately. Am I suppose to feel special or just unlucky? …see another question I don’t have an answer to.

I won’t be writing much, or maybe I will. It really depends on my mood and how things are with me. I just wanted to post a blog saying “happy new year” but I didn’t have an interesting story or really didn’t feel like talking about how I was, though I’m good.

Anyway, Happy New Year 2010 KIDZWORLD! Hope all of you have a blast this year. <3

P.S Sorry if I sound depressing or something, its 2:00 am right now, i'm just extremely tired.
Listening to Dancing by Elise. (I recommend it to all of you. Amazing song.)

Hey there, how’s it goin’? I was up till 1:30 am watching a movie called Freedom Writers, starring Hilary Swank and this movie is amazing. It’s about this teacher who helps these kids in a small school or something get their grades up and teaches them how to live without fear in many ways. It’s a true story and an amazing movie. Hilary Swank has done an excellent job, she always does. These kinds of movies get my whole “spirit” up and like, make me want to do something like that. I mean, how cool is it to be someone who’s made some sort of change to this world, right? I mean, it could be in any way, doesn’t have to be big or small. It’s just something I wish to do when I’m older. To help people in some way, even if it’s just a little. I know you might be thinking how stupid or ‘wannabeish’ this sounds, but it’s something we should all do. When I am old enough to get a good full time job and have enough, I want to help kids study somehow. We have so many things in our lives that we start taking them for granted. I bet many of, MOST of you hate school, or find it boring and don’t always complain how you have to. There are so many kids out there who kill to have what you have. I use to be the kid who said “I don’t want to go to school tomorrow” I so regret saying that now. Because at point in my life, I was homeschooled and I missed school so much. I would do anything to turn back time and go back to school. Even now, if I get a chance, I will go to college. So, I think we should appreciate what we have and respect it. Don’t throw away your old story books or any kind of book that can help someone educate. Keep them, give them to someone who really needs it. I once found a great English book fallen on the footpath, near the big trash can near my house once, and believe me, that book taught me so much. I’ve read many books, and done many English courses so I know a little bit about how good a book is. That book was fantastic; I use to read it over and over again just because I found it so fun. I was in 3rd grade, I think and the book was for 5th graders. So, all I’m saying is, that please don’t complain about how you don’t anything or have to deal with so much in life. Everyone somehow has to deal with a lot of things; you’re not the only one. And don’t throw away books or stuff. Give them to someone who really needs it. It can be anyone, or give to some organization that helps little kids educate or something. Anything. Because if we don’t do anything, nothing is going to happen, nothing is going to change. It’s as simple as that. I don’t know if this “inspires” you to do something or not, but I wanted to speak and I was in the mood to write so I did it. Oh and Freedom writers, you all should watch, it’s a spectacular movie, inspirational story too. And it’s a true story, that’s like even cooler.

With love,
Asmi.

P.S I recommend this movie to everyone out there. You wont be disappointed, watch it!

Hey guys, what’s happening?! First off, I’m extremely sorry for not writing for so long. I was very busy with stuff. Work, thinking, being lazy? Haha. Anyway, I’m in the mood to write something today. First let me start off with how I am now; I’m pretty good, work is great, I’ve been marketing and I think I’ve broken out of my shell now. I’m not that shy anymore, I can get nervous every now and then but I’ve learned how to overcome it. Recently, we had Eid ul-adha, the festival where they sacrifice the animal. I’m not gonna get into details right now, but if you wanna know more about it you can leave some comments down and I’ll write a whole blog about this Eid. Anyhow, yes, so I took snaps, I’ll ask one of my friends to upload on their zone if they can and let you guys know. It was pretty fun but I really missed my brother and his wife who are not here in Kuwait right now. OH! I got a digital camera as an eid/pending birthday gift! Its hot pink and amazing. I love it. So you can see, I’m pretty ok, having some trouble with my little brain sometimes, thinking too much for no reason. Hating too much for no reason. But the bottom line is I’m okay.

However, I was this movie today… yes, a movie again that has messed with my little head. I don’t know why this always happens, I take them so seriously. It’s weird. So, yeah, I was watching this movie called The Private Lives of Pippa Lee starring Robin Wright Penn, Allan …and I dislike that movie for a lot of reasons. But without a doubt, it’s an amazing movie. Robin Wright Penn, has done a beautiful job, the old guy from Little Miss Sunshine was awesome too. The direction, everything was amazing. It was a great movie. But… I couldn’t help but hate one of the characters, even though it was a great/good/nice character, I didn’t like him because he reminded me of someone I hate. And Pippa Lee reminded me of me…in weird ways. Anyway, this movie is just brilliant and I hope that it goes for the Oscars ‘cause it deserves to be noticed. It’s amazing. And I hate it. Keanu Reeves looked hot, but he’s the character I hated. Anyway, the movie’s great. I don’t know why movies affect on me that way. All the time. The story…Well, I don’t think I can get into the details of the story but it’s about this lady, Pippa Lee and her past and present. It’s about her life, I guess. How she deals with… her mother, who has some sort of addiction.. anyway, I don’t wanna get into details. Hope you guys are okay, and I will try to write more.

Take care, with love,
Asmi.

Hey guys, how’ve you been? Sorry for not writing for so long, I have been busy with life/work etc. Today one of my very close friend wrote something about me and it made me sort of emotional. It was the most beautiful thing anyone has every said or written for me. I honestly..don’t have any words right now, ’cause my words would just..not be able to describe how I feel. I use to have strong belief in the famous quote “A friend in need is a friend indeed” and I was starting to believe in “A friend in need is a pest indeed” I know, sounds weird and bad, but she changed my mind. A friend in need is a friend indeed. She’s helped me get through a lot in my life and I am honoured to be her friend. I’m gonna post what she wrote for me… Here it is. Thanks so much, weirdo. <3

Everyone has someone who is significant and influential to them. As a young person growing up, I, like everyone else have someone who is very influential to me and is a significant person in my life. Most people who are influential in our lives are our parents or teachers. Fortunately for me the most influential person for me is one of my closest friends, whose name is Asmeen Khan. She is one of the most amazing people on this earth; she’s always been there for me whenever I needed her. Asmeen is one of the people who have inspired me to live life like there is no tomorrow. She has encouraged me to do many things, which I would never dreamed that I would do. I consider myself very lucky to have such a good friend.

Like most teenagers my age, I have had several problems that I could not deal with alone. If it was not for my friend Asmeen, I probably would be stuck on all of them and be no where today. For one, my parents argue a lot and as young girl learning new things about the world, I did not know how to deal with the issue. Luckily, for me, Asmeen was there. She was able to help me get over the issue by telling me to ignore their arguments because it was certain to go away. Asmeen was correct, because as soon as I was able to ignore the arguments that occurred in my house, they disappeared as quickly as it started. I was grateful for her kindness and for her knowledge. I was thankful that someone was by my side and was able to help me through that situation. It may not mean much too many people, but it did to me because I was always alone, until she came along trying to help me. Asmeen always worried about me and tried to fix everything that I could not. For example, one time I was crying in my room alone, and I told Asmeen about, she tried everything in her power to try out why I was crying and how she could help me stop. I owe many things in my life to her, like the brilliant smile I am able to produce every day.

Asmeen was able to influence me many times in life. She was able to change my perspective of life. I always thought life was full of cruelness and suffering, until I met Asmeen. She was able to influence me into believing that life has hope and many beautiful creations in it. Today, I thank her for changing my perspective of life, because I am able to live freely and enjoy each day. She was also able to influence the way I feel about school. I use to hate getting up each morning and going to school, but Asmeen who was home schooled taught me that going to school and meeting new people each day is a wonderful experience, that I should treasure. So each day I go to school now, I look forward to going to school and learning new things each day. My friend, Asmeen has also influenced the way I am to people. She taught me to be nice and sweet to other humans who are like me. I was usually mean and terrible to other people, but now that I have changed I am pleasant and caring to others around me. So once again, I am honored and thankful to have her as a friend.

In the end, I thank almost everyone who was influential in my life, because it is something that was able to change who I am today. As for my friend, Asmeen she is still one of my closest friends today and will always be. I am really appreciative that she came into my life. I hope that she will continue to be there for me and influence my life. It is a very important thing to me that she came into my life, because she was able to change it in big ways and minor ones to. As, I write this essay today, I know inside of me that she will never leave me alone in this world.

Tell me how you find it, 'cause she'll be reading it too!

I saw a movie called 500 days of summer this morning. To be honest, I had a lot of expectations from the movie. I thought it’ll be one of those movies that cheer you up and make you realize something great about life. Well, did it sort of make me realize something but..That was just…I didn’t need it. Anyway, what exactly this movie did to me was upset me, made me wanna murder the girl in it and even gave me a headache. The concept and the story and everything was fabulous but, I don’t know why I just don’t like the movie. Here’s a little idea of the story: Tom, the main character falls in love at first with a girl named Summer. And everything keeps going normal; she’s new administrative assistant at a greeting card company where he works. They become friends and she mentions about how she doesn’t believe in love, boyfriends or relationships and thinks that life will always come in between it. However, soon they become more than just friends and Tom realizes that he’s crazy in love with her BUT Summer, hah, is not. So basically the two characters are complete different from each other and the movie is about him looking back at the time he spent with Summer. I know the story sounds interesting and all but for some reason I kept getting irritated while watching the movie. I wanted to go inside the screen and grab the girl and shake her and like yell “what’s wrong with you?!” but…that’s just me. If you’ve been reading my blogs, you should know by now that I can be really weird.

Although the movie really annoyed me and made me really angry I also gained something from it. Well, sort of. The Smiths. Yes, the rock band. I knew about them and had a couple of their songs but never really paid much attention to their music, and after this movie I have started liking their songs a lot. So I’m going to download their songs and listen to them. I guess 500 days of summer wasn’t a bad idea, but seriously…I don’t like the girl in the movie one bit.

Alright now, I haven’t written anything in a while, I’m very busy…being confused I guess. It’s like…I don’t know what it is. I don’t feel like doing a lot of things. But I will definitely write more sometime soon.

With love,
Asmi.

Hey there,

I don’t feel like writing lately so I’m going to share a great poem with you guys. I personally love this poem so much; it has so much meaning to it. Anyway, here it is. Hope you guys like it.

Alone
Edgar Allan Poe [1829]

From childhood’s hour I have not been
As others were- I have not seen
As others saw- I could not bring
My passions from a common spring-
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow- I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone-
And all I lov’d- I lov’d alone-

Then- in my childhood- in the dawn
Of a most stormy life- was drawn
From ev’ry depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still-
From the torrent, or the fountain-
From the red cliff of the mountain-
From the sun that ’round me roll’d
In its autumn tint of gold-
From the lightning in the sky
As it passed me flying by-
From the thunder, and the storm-
And the cloud that took the form
(When all the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view.

I really like the other poem below as well. Hope you guys like it too.

Walking Alone
Michael R. Anderson [1/90]

Response to: “Alone”, by Edgar Allan Poe.

I, too, was born of a world not the same,
Amongst white snow, a raindrops’ shame.
In life’s garden, a dormant seed.
A heart held of dissimilar need.

I, too, was awed by lightning’s flash,
Embering in mind even after the crash.
Followed closely by silent rain,
Blood-red, falling from the sky in vain.

The wind chimed and the earth shook from thunder,
And my mind was but befixed to wonder;
How could I stand amidst this storm,
Seek shelter not, yet still seem warm?

But I, too, take my sorrow at a site-
Other souls would nonchalantly slight.
And I, too, have felt the need for love,
But could only love that need which I dreamt of.

And as I peered deep through the skies,
The clouds grew black to shut my eyes.
The demon that came in your view,
Now’s taken from me what he took from you.

In the garden the seed has sprang,
A nameless child unearths the pang.
Felt for the flower, both eyes in close.
Took twenty thorns to touch the rose.

A wondering mind looked to the sky,
So beautiful it had to die.
Laid it to rest upon the stone,
And turned away a man full grown.

Singing the same song at a different tone,
In thoughts, destined to die, unknown.
Born unto a world not of our own,
We walked together, walking alone.

Here’s a song writen by one of my very close friend. I thought it was lovely and wanted to share it with everyone.

Laying on my bed wishing that you were here,
Staring at the ceiling it all becomes clear,
I have never felt this way ever before,
I just want to hold on to you more and more.

Every day I fall more in love with you,
Every single word of this is so true,
I can’t stand the thought of this feeling gone,
To take it away from would be wrong.

You are,
The girl that I want
And you are,
The girl that I need
You’re the girl I can never keep my mind off of
Yes my baby you are,
You’re the one.

I can always count on you,
To put a smile on my face when I’m feeling blue,
You’re the most beautiful thing I have seen,
You’ll never know how much you mean to me.

You are,
The girl that I want
And you are,
The girl that I need
You’re the girl I can never keep my mind off of
I don’t care what anyone else says.
You’re the one.

Hey guys,

I’m not sure if you guys know what my hobbies are, I don’t think I’ve mentioned it ever. Well, I like to draw [sometimes], I read when I have nothing to do or if the book is extremely interesting. I love playing with Barbie dolls with my neice, I just love it even though I’m a little too old for that, I like how excited they get when I play with them. I love walking. I walk a lot inside my house [I know, I’m weird]. Oh, and one of my most favourite things to do is collecting rock music and quotes. I’m crazy about rock music and I love downloading or buying CDs, I’m a freak for rock music. Quotes, well, I love collecting those too. I always find quotes online and save them and read them when I’m feeling down. Sometimes they really help me boast my self-esteem. I know it sounds weird, but I’m going to post some of my favourite quotes ‘cause they’re really cool and inspiring. All are my favourites but the ones in bold are my very favourite ones, they’re very special to me.

Here they are.

Learn to live where you are and not where you think you want to be. ~ James Frey (A Million Little pieces)

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. ~ Unknown

Love is the hardest habit to break, and the most difficult to satisfy. ~Unknown

Parting is all we know of heaven and all we need to know of hell. ~Emily Dickinson, “Parting”

Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow.” ~Unknown

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference. ~Unknown

There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about. ~Oscar Wild

Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.” ~Oscar Wild [I think, I’m not sure]

Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes. ~Oscar Wild [Again, I’m not sure if it’s from
Oscar Wild]

The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget. ~Unknown

What is the opposite of two? A lonely me, a lonely you. ~Richard Wilbur

One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth watching. ~Unknown [I believe in this]

The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. ~Unknown [So trueeee!]

If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together… There is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart… I’ll always be with you. ~Unknown. [That’s one of my very favourite quotes]

Some of the greater things in life are unseen that’s why you close your eyes when you kiss, cry, or dream. ~Unknown.

To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world. ~Unknown.

I don’t wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone. ~Unknown.

I’ll follow you and make a heaven out of hell, and I’ll die by your hand which I love so well. ~Unknown [Sweet…]

Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art. ~Unknown.

No smile is as beautiful as the one that struggles through tears. ~Unknown.

Love waits for one thing, the right moment. ~Unknown.

This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life. ~Unknown [Again, one of my very favourites]

Work like you don’t need the money. Love like you’ve never been hurt. Dance like nobody’s watching. ~Unknown [<3]

People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history. ~Dan Quayle

History will be kind to me for I intend to write it. ~Winston Churchill

Humor is laughing at what you haven’t got when you ought to have it. ~Langston Hughes

The only gracious way to accept an insult is to ignore it; if you can’t ignore it, top it; if you can’t top it, laugh at it; if you can’t laugh at it, it’s probably deserved. ~J. Russel Lynes

Hope you guys liked them.
~Asmi

Hello everybody,

It’s such a beautiful, unclear and unusual morning. Beautiful; because the weather is good, not as humid as yesterday or the day before. Unclear; ‘cause I lost my glasses.  I can’t find them anywhere in the house, I looked everywhere.  And unusual; well…you’ll find out in a bit. Oh! I just found my glasses! Oh my gosh, clarity!

Okay, where was I? Yeah! It’s a beautiful morning, the sun is shining, the birds are pooping around in windows, Marlow’s sitting in front of the balcony window and staring outside. And the most unusual thing today is that I cooked. Yep, I cooked, I made breakfast. I made some pancakes, for the first time ever! Now, in my house we don’t make pancakes, because nobody here is a big breakfast person, we usually just have brunch. But today I woke up early and was in the mood to cook, so I took out my notebook in which I had written down the recipe I found online and I made some pancakes. It was a big hit, I loved my pancakes. See, when I cook, I eat, no one else joins me ‘cause you never know what might happen to you after having something that I made. Lol, just kidding. The reason why no one had pancakes besides me is because my dad is a diabetic and is not suppose to have anything sweet early in the morning. My mom is not a big pancake fan, so she didn’t have it either. My brothers left for work when I was preparing the batter, so when it was all ready, I was the only one interested in having them. I’m not a big fan of cooking, I find it really boring and tiring. So today was sort of a shock that I actually made something and it turned out good.

It’s quite surprising how I’m doing stuff that I really despise. It’s because lately I’m trying to be more independent I guess. To be very honest, since I’m the only daughter and the youngest in the house, my parents have raised me like a spoiled brat. I always got what I wanted with whatever we had and I was never asked to do anything to help around in the house. I’m so used to my mom doing everything for me that I have realized I cannot survive alone anywhere! One of the main reasons why my family is overprotective. So slowly, I’m trying to do things on my own. It’s funny how I’m still learning to do a lot of things that probably 13 year olds are used to doing (*wink* Sammie) and I get really excited because it’s like a big deal for me. However, I try to do something I don’t usually do every day. It’s just so boring but its life and not everything in life is fun.

Anyway, here’s a picture of the pancake I made. The first thing I thought when I made it was “success!” hahaha.

Um, there’s a piece missing… well, you know how impatient I am. I wanted to know how it tasted so badly. Lmao.

Hope you guys have a lovely day.
With love,
Asmi.